Oh life..

So I realize my last blog was WHOA depressing and I have not gotten a chance to really blog and update. Although I have been blogging for my business!! Wanna see?? Lookie here!!

Speaking of which I need to be tying ribbons on bubbles for the wedding I'm doing tomorrow, but I just wanted to have something a little different on here for the world to see and then when my life is made of more than wedding bells and to do lists I'll get back to you =)

Let's see... how bout... top 5 weird things about me at the moment
5) I have currently replaced my obsession with "Law and Order SVU" with "Cold Case"
4) I have discovered a disposable razor that I literally hate
3) I have been really REALLY homesick for both my parents lately.. which is weird
2) I finally joined twitter... God help me. www.twitter.com/emmebeth
1) I get to do something on Tuesday really Really REALLY exciting!!! Stay tuned its a secret!! =)

alright, back to everything turquoise and blue

When it don't come easy...

Definition of Follow: to engage as in a calling or a way of life; to walk or proceed along.- Thank you Webster.

OK so I've really got to get some priorities in check. Why am I blogging? Do I want people to follow me? Do I want to be super public with our life? Do I want my friends to just know what the crap is going on in our lives? Well no matter what I want, ITS NOT HAPPENING! Its just me out here in blog world. Maybe that's OK? Its kind of depressing though if I'm really honest... its way too similar to my everyday life.

I just had this vision of a pastor throwing a hissy fit at the church I've been to because the congregation didn't have a come to Jesus moment because he was such a "great" speaker.

That's not my intention. I guess I'm just... lonely? I mean I'm not... but I am? Someone is being indecisive today good Lord....

I think I'm in mourning.

One of my most precious friends that has walked all through my "adult" process is moving away. Now don't get me wrong I am so so so so so so so so so sooooooooooo excited for her. She's moving away to go get her masters degree and she's moving to a city I visit A LOT ... but I'm just gonna miss her. She is one of the only people in my life who truly engages me and asks me hard things and she does this face to face. And now she will join the phone tree. Which I believe she will and its totally OK.. I'm just sad. All of my closest friends who truly love me and have stuck with me through so much live somewhere other than here. Now to insert some perspective, I am BEYOND GRATEFUL that they have continued to call, text, e-mail, and just live with me, but REALLY God? Is it so hard to have a woman consistently stay with me????? Can you tell I'm having a complex? I feel so incredibly guilty for feeling this way because I know that I am blessed with some fierce lifelong blessed friends, but one by one we have had to live apart.

stupid freaking adult world.

So the fact that I blog to no one kind of... is good? Gets my thoughts out and does good things for the fact that I'm not relaying them to someone present? Or... adds to my "lonliness" I'm not lonely like I was fresh out of college. This is different. Its like that standing in the middle of a crowd lonely. I need a thesaurus because that just doesn't seem like the right word.

So blogger world, I want to embrace you. Let's dive deep together. Ask me questions! Just read the freakin blog! Tell me when I don't make sense! Tell me when I'm being stupid! Tell me I'm not alone! This is not Twitter where I just want someone to follow me so they constantly know what I'm doing... which isn't that the definiton of stalking??? Hm... I just...I just want... depth. But depth with a response. Or maybe God's response is supposed to just be it? Then why did He create me to be a relational person? Oh... fkjsldflsadfljadslfjlsadkjf (that's when I don't know what else to say except make noise, but my comp doesn't make noise... you get what I mean.)

I love this Patty Griffin song. Drew and Ellie Holcomb sang it for our Young Life kids last fall... I mean it for so many people... but... you know... I feel like the middle school version of myself... seen below... sick

"Red lights are flashing on the highway
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight
Everywhere the water's getting rough
Your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight

But if you break down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you
When it don't come easy

I don't know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home
You're out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction

But if you break down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you
When it don't come easy

So many things that I had before
That don't matter to me now
Tonight I cry for the love that I've lost
And the love I've never found
When the last bird falls
And the last siren sounds
Someone will say what's been said before
Some love we were looking for

When you break down
I'll drive out and find you
When you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you
When it don't come easy
When it don't come easy"

Confession: when I was in middle school and high school.. and well always.. I wanted to be loved so badly. But I thought people became when your friends based on how lovable you were.. like they would just be drawn to you or something. So I didn't need to pursue them, I needed to sit and wait. On my hands I would write "Don't bother anyone. Don't be annoying" Just in case I forgot. SO pathetic. But isn't that the moment I'm having? I want people, I want women in my life, but I'm sitting on my couch. So who's fault is this?

Can someone turn my brain off for me? Thanks. I swear I'm not like this everyday. Just woke up... funky. Waking up to a phone call from someone you haven't talked to in a very very long time will do that to you...

"I could no sooner choose a star from the heavens."

One of my favorite lines from the movie "Ever After" referring to the sweetest moment in the whole movie.... just in case you don't have the pleasure of knowing this reference... here ya go:

[looking at the books in the Franciscan monastery]
Danielle: It makes me want to cry.
Henry: Pick one.
Danielle: I could no sooner choose a favorite star in the heavens.
Henry: What is it that touches you so?
Danielle: I suppose it is because when I was young my father would stay up late and read to me. He was addicted to the written word and I would fall asleep listening to the sound of his voice.
Henry: What sort of books?
Danielle: Science, philosophy... I suppose they remind me of him. He died when I was eight. Utopia was the last book he brought home.
Henry: Which explains why you quote it.
Danielle: I would rather hear his voice again than any sound in the world.

Such good stuff. I may have to watch this tonight now. We still have it on VHS... lol.. I think we're the only people in the world that still have VHS tapes AND something to play them on. You know you're jealous.

Anyway, where did this all come from?? Well, life has been crazy packed the past couple of weeks with weddings (no complaining here!!) but I have not allowed myself any room for personal time during this process at all. So today is the first full "day off" I've had in a long time. I made the mistake of going to a bookstore... twice.. and came home with four books. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? I'm inundated with books I want to read!! Why in the world did I buy more?? Its like crack for me or something!

But...

let me just say that all the books that I want to read are going to be SOOOO good!

First of all, my wonderful church is about to dive into two great books/studies. I've been having a hard time choosing which one to do because I feel like they both could and will speak into my life...

#1) Esther- study by Beth Moore (If you know me at all, you know I love me some Beth.)

I love love love love love Esther. She is truly one of my favorites.Ever since I can remember I remember being fascinated by her and her story. I think combined with my fascination... interest... study of the Holocaust, I was always fascinated with this specific targeting of the Jews. Then they came out with "One Night with the King"....

OK so the acting was not awesome in all aspects but it breathed life into the story even more.

THEN, this past year, I do the study of Moses through BSF. Now my interest... fascination of the Jews and their relationship with Yaweh is just... further fueled. So. I've been wanting to do this Esther study ever since I heard about it and I actually had planned on doing it on my own somehow this summer, and then I found out the church was doing it! Talk about a sign...

2) Having A Mary Spirit - Joanna Weaver


Problem: I just realized the book I bought and have fell in love with is this book:

CRAP

So maybe its a sign. Is there a difference? If I'm reading a totally different book, but its by the same author and its generally about Mary and the heart.. spirit... whatever... OK forget it. I'm reading this book and not starting another one. I'm doing the Esther study and that's it. BUT I was really excited about the Mary Spirit book because its already speaking to me in the first chapter and I wanted to be able to discuss it... so maybe I'll blog about it? Hm....

3) Angry Conversations with God- Susane Isaacs

Insert the bookstore problem here. So today I go into Border's with my friend Lindsay to let her look for a good card and I was trying to find the rest of the going away present for my dear friend who's moving away next weekend. I go to look for this one book in the religion section and wasn't totally drawn to what I found. Then I saw this cover and just out of curiosity picked it up and read the introduction. I seriously laughed so freaking hard I annoyed everyone around me. Here's a couple of my favorite lines:
"I should stop and identify my spiritual orientation. But first I must tell you: I hate it when people say 'I'm spiritual but not religious.' That's like saying, 'I'm emotional but not psycho.' It turns religion into a dirty word. Religion simply means re-ligion; to reattach, to reconnect to the God you feel separated from. YetI know we've all been burned by religiosity; even Jesus hated religisoty."

"Through that insanity, even if pastors hurt me or friends let me down or entire denominations went Shiite on my ass, I still believed God was good-- I just needed to find out where God went. Maybe it was a corner of a cathedral or a monastery in a desert or a bench on the beach. But I could go there and be with the God who was good and the Jesus who loved me, that I knew."

"Who on earth had conversations with God like that?If I wrote my conversations with God into a book, they'd be angry conversations. They'd go more like:

Susan: what ****, God? Are you trying to kill me?
God: Shut the **** up or I will!

And that would be the end of the book."

(just for the record, she writes that part out with the **** like a script and uses a permanent marker to blot out where I put the ****. I don't know why I feel the need to disclaim but I just did.)

I just couldn't leave the store without it.

4) Still working on Breaking Free by Beth. Almost done =)

5) Redeeming Love- Francine Rivers

I mean... I've already read this book. Totally rocked my world. But I swore I would never read it again. I just didn't think I could emotionally handle it. God used this book for me to let Andrew start loving me for real. It was part of the process I went through at Discipleship Focus that let me feel forgiven... to realize love from God really is not conditional. So wasn't He done with this book in my life? Well... then it just keeps coming up.. over and over and over and over.. for others, right? Just for others. He's calling me to read it. I know He is. So on the nightstand it shall sit. I'll get to it...

Can I just say these are just SOME of the books on my nightstand? The other ones are all marriage related books. The LoveDare, Sacred Marraige, Power of a Praying Wife, Fight Fair, Intimate Issues, Now You're Speaking My Landguage etc etc etc etc. And the crazy part is I really truly want to read them all!!!!!!

And yet... I'm on the computer...

Goin to the chapel...

AND EVERYONE'S GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!

And I say that with excitement, overwhelming thankfulness for God's provision, and slight stress. I was a little nervous that this wedding season would be slow. And I was SOOO wrong. Now come July we might have a different blog to write, but right now, I have two in the next two weeks and then three back to back in June, the one lone ranger in July.

I don't really have time to even write this, but I feel like I need a call out for prayer. Yesterday at church, our sermon was about joy. I LONG for joy. I want joy to be my response to all things. My biggest prayer requests at the moment are:
1) that I am joyful for my Brides. I long to reflect God's love for them in this crazy time in their lives. I want them to feel peace and joy when we're together so that they can enjoy their planning process and then carry that over into their time with their husbands to be. If you would, please pray that God will overpower every inch of me and how I see things or respond to things and BE my Joy. Be my responses. My self control.
2) On that same note, I pray these same things for those that I interact with throughout the week. Just because life is crazy, that does not mean I should give Karleigh less of my attention when we're together. That does NOT mean I get to suddenly be a crappy wife. He deserves my attention and affection even more so in these crazy times I think. I tend to zone out and get focused, but he's still my priority. He's not in my way, he's living in the mess I'm making. He's not a distraction, he's my husband. I'm telling Brides to not be stressed out so they can enjoy this time with their significant others; how counterproductive and honestly hypocritical of me to say this to them, but not to be that way in my life!
3) Protection. I tend to get very self critical and take things very personally OR get full of myself during wedding season. It is good to rest in the knowledge that God has called me to this position, but I am working for His glory. NOTHING that I do should be done out of self ambition or for my own benefit. It is all for Him and for the success of these couples wedding days. The extreme is that I mess up and freak out and forget how to function OR they get stressed and get snappy and I shrink on the insisde. I'm not an idiot. I know weddings inside and out (even though there is ALWAYS something to learn) so I should be confident in that knowledge and that God DOES want me there (as well as the client!) BUT I'm not perfect either. As a professional people are looking to me to respond well. However, all humans recognize humanity. I want to respond with "it is what it is" and move on. No over apologizing, no dwelling, no locking up and acting like a lost child looking for approval. One step in front of the other. One OBEDIENT and GUIDED step in front of the other.
4) EMILY NEEDS JESUS TIME! None of these things happen without the Lord. Why in the world I think "its so busy right now I can't stop and read" and think it will actually work, that a tree who took a drink a few days ago or even last week can survive all week without another one... you get the idea. Jesus is a priority. He is the One who stretches out time. He is the One who fulfills all callings. He is the One who overcomes the flesh. He is Joy. He knows how crazy weddings are... and He knows how to make miracles happen behind the scenes in order to benefit the families and couples who get to continue celebrating... which is especially precious to me =)

"On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there and Jesus and His disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to Him, 'They have no more wine.' 'Dear woman, why do you involve me?' Jesus replied. 'My time has not yet come.' His mother said to the servants, 'Do whatever He tells you.' Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, 'Fill the jars with water;' so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them 'Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.'

(I love this part!!) They did so and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside, and said 'Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best til now.'

This is the first of His miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed His glory, and His disciples put their faith in Him." John 2:1-11

Jesus... I long to be a reflection of your glory. I long for my responses to be like the servants that you instructed at the wedding. They heard you clearly, they trusted you, they acted in faith humbly and quietly, and they did not make a big deal about what happened to anyone. They knew who you were and saw your glory in your miracle and in your compassion for those who may have never even known where the wine came from. I long to be that kind of joyful servant. Amen.

"Momma I'm a big girl now..."

It is WAY too late at night for me to be awake, but Andrew's on his way home after being gone for a week and its like Christmas!!! I can't wait for him to be here!!!!!

I also though, if I'm really honest, am kind of caught up in what I experienced tonight at something for church that involved lots of incredible Godly women... I digress.

I want to sit in a room with those women every night. I want to learn how to be so wonderful so talented so raw and honest I want to be a Godly wife a Godly daughter a Godly mother a Godly friend. So even after sitting in a room full of these amazing women I'm still awake following their blogs 0=)

So tonight was beautiful. The women's ministry at our church has started this wonderful ministry directed at mentoring the women in our church and tonight was the first night. I'm terrified of big groups these days and especially ones where I am in the minority. I feel like such a baby trying to dress in her mother's clothing and hang out with her sister's friends. I LOVED this as a kid. I always wanted to be my sister's friend (she's 9 years older than me) now I'm just totally freaked out that I'm an adult. This morning I actually had to give myself a pep talk about what I was wearing to a meeting. It made me look so... old! I don't know it was weird. Anyway moving on..

If I'm gonna grow older, I want to be like these women. So to mentored by them, to just be in the same room with them, even though I talk too loud and too much bc I'm nervous. Even though I feel like I have nothing of value to offer.. I want to go. I want to be there and learn.

That being said, (or not said because I'm delirious and talking in circles worse than normal and have said nothing of significance whatsoever) I was reading one of their blogs and found this. Its a list of things that you've done or haven't done in your life. So I thought I'd go through it =) The bolded ones are things I HAVE done:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (does Wii count???)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching (can we include got sea sick for the first time in here)
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt.... well does giving my mom t-shirts to make me a quilt count???
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life...I'm not sure what to call it... but i fought over a razor blade a girl tried to kill herself with at school... LONG story.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club- I REALLY WANT TO!
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit- for five flipping years. RIDICULOUS
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I guess I can say I've done some fun things for a 24 year old. But SOOOO much to go. I should probably take a "nap" before Andrew gets home now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what's that rabbit's name??

You know the one from Alice and Wonderland that's always running late?? "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say 'hello' Goodbye! I'm late I'm late I'm late!!!" I feel like that stupid rabbit like 90% of my life. Now granted blogging is NOT going to help the situation, but you know what.. maybe I'll feel better after I get it all off my chest.

When I was born, my mom started in 1984 and then didn't have me until 1985. =) New year's eve she goes into labor and then STAYS in labor until January 2nd. Apparently I was stuck. Now this is graphic, but I was stuck on the .. I guess pelvic bone?? I was face up instead of face down and my nose was stuck. So after she gets that far, they push me BACK IN (dear Lord, I feel like I should REALLY go big for Mother's day this year at this moment... shew) and THEN they decide they need to do a C-Section. SO all that is to say, I think I was cursed from birth to inevitably be late.

We're talking I've been running late for school since I started going. Same for church. Learned how to put make up on while I was driving as I was learning to drive. Its not ridiculous late, its like a 15 minutes margin of time at the latest (usually) OR I'm flying by the seat of my pants to be saved by the bell. LOL that makes me think of my high school nazi.. I mean chorus teacher. "If you're on time, you're late!" I just thought I was like any other high schooler at the time. Didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Then I went to college and two things happened.
1) I became close friends with some habitually late people. But not like me, like WORSE. Like 30 minutes to an hour late IF they even come at all. It hurt my feelings, I had a hard time trusting them, feelings of abandonment would creep in... like a kid that got left at school after everyone else. Sirens started going off in my head... uh oh
2) The deal breaker is this: people started really counting on me. I had jobs in high school, but all of them had margin. At the photography studio, if you were running late, you could drive on your own and meet them at the site (you just had to communicate) at JCP there was a 7 minute margin on the timeclock. OK the one time it really stung me was when I worked at a tanning bed and got my comission taken away because I was late 2 times. I didn't work there very long. Not because of that though.. LONG story.

OK so I'm working in college, but what I do, affects others. Like when I was an after school care teacher, if I was late, my kids were left alone. NO BUENO. Even worse, when I worked before school care, if I was late, the parents were late in dropping off their kids and then late to work, (that only happened ONE time and it was ONE time too many for me.) Then even working at the butt crack of dawn as a desk assistant on campus, I was either 1) responsible for opening a building for the day and some kid who had locked themselves out of their room was counting on me to be there at 6am so I could let them go to bed OR if I was late for my other shifts, I could make that person there before me late for class or something. Same for being a Young Life leader. Those kids were counting on you to be where you said you'd be or they would leave and not talk to you again. No grace in high school.

Then the biggie... my husband and I were engaged. I don't remember where we were going or what we were doing, but we were driving. I'm not sure how we got on the topic either, but essentially he looked at me and said, "you know, I had to really work and pray hard through knowing I would never be on time again if I married you."

what?

Basically, he said that part of his process of figuring out if I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with weighed on how I affect him because I'm always late. Gross. Thank you, Jesus for telling him there was more to me than that.

So you see the problem?

Its not like the lateness stopped. It just.. suddenly became VERY noticeable. And not just to me, but to my friends... which REALLY bothered me. I tried everything, I tried telling myself things started earlier than they did, setting my clocks up to be early and sometimes it just still wouldn't happen no matter what my intentions were. THEN, (oh boy.. confessional time...) I started habitually lying about WHY I was late. I mean to EVERYONE. And I just want to apologize that if I ever did this to you, even if you don't know about it, I'm still so sorry. There was NO cause for me to do that. I should face the consequences of my actions. It IS upsetting when someone is not there when you want/need/asked them to be.

OK so now to where I am today. I REALLY feel like this is fixable. I want this to be a thing of the past. I want my clients to find me dependable, I want the family I nanny for to know they can always count on me so that their LIFE is not started off unnecessarily hard. I don't want to teach Karleigh its OK to be late. I want my kids to know they can always count on me. I don't want to be tempted to lie. I don't want my husband to always think we'll be late. I don't want him to think of me as untrustworthy. I mean sometimes its cute. Like the song "Waitin' on a Woman" which always makes my Daddy smile and think of me. If I've changed clothes 85 times because I want to be super hott on a date with my hubby.. that's potentially cute lateness... but habitual lateness. I just need to call it for what it is: sin.

So now what?

Well. I'm reading Beth Moore's Breaking Free and I really feel like this might be what "holds me captive" in my walk with... well pretty much anyone and in everything that I do. Definition of captivity (by Beth) "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and affective Spirit-filled life God planned for him or her." I DEFINITELY do NOT feel free as I'm flying down the road endangering everyone around me because I am late AGAIN (which also feeds my road rage.. which rage is a toxic kind of anger that pollutes the mind, soul, and mouth) and then I'm so flustered once I get there I have to readjust and fight off OCEANS (not just waves) of shame about what I've done by being late.

I'll tell you what's helped and what I'm currently focusing on. 1) BSF. Bible Study Fellowship. Its a international organization that hosts Bible Studies for men and women (mostly women) in different cities around the world and let me just say they do NOT play around with time. It starts at 6:55pm on the dot and ends no later than 8:55pm. How on the dot? OK this year I've been playing the piano for their opening time of worship (which I'll talk about) and one time I got stuck behind a train on the way there. (one of those things that inevitably happens to me. you know catching EVERY stop light. etc.) I RUN in the door at 6:54 and I can hear our teaching leader saying at the microphone "Well Ms. Emily sent us a text saying she's on her way, but we've got to get started!" And then I burst through the doors, running through the sanctuary and up on the stage to the piano while everyone claps and laughs. They were huge sports about it, but oh my gosh I don't know if I'll ever forget that moment as long as I live! There's a HUGE and Godly purpose behind them being such sticklers on time, but for me, it has definitely been a huge learning tool.

2) Alicia (the woman I nanny for) and I had a talk the other day. She apparently used to struggle with a similar issue and (ironically enough, through BSF) learned about how to face this issue head on. I'm just trying to do too much in one day. I cannot control time, I cannot control what happens during the day, I cannot force things to fit, I cannot "make it work" like on Project Runway, that's just not real life. If I don't finish something. IT'S OK.

So my next step is to be more prayer. To be prayerful about every priority in my day. To make prayerful to-do lists that are realistic, help keep me on task but not BINDING. In my line of work you can't just say "oh I'll get to planning your wedding when I have time" They are paying me to BE their time. They don't have time to do things so they're giving it to me. BUT these can get done if I just prioritize, space them out and prayerfully approach them.

Sounds easy right?

right....

Additional note, I took this picture today for my Virgina girls because it always makes me miss them.



Probably both of my favorite people to laugh with and have honest conversation with are both in Virginia serving the Lord. I miss them, but I'm SO proud of them and admire them for how they give their lives away. I especially admire Trace for how honestly she does this and does it well. She suffered from my late issues, even for events for her wedding.. I'm sorry Trace. Thanks for loving me in the midst of being unaccountable and probably hurtful and untrustworthy.

So now, I'm in the late potential zone and have to go to BSF like right now... peace.

Invisible Children

OK so I don't have the energy to blog on this like it deserves, but I will later. I just want to make myself post this video before I forget.. its been that kind of week. Serious blogging will occur later. =)